Introduction:
Why do I constantly find myself in questionable situations? What motivates me to take that extra step? Why do I repeatedly push my body to its limits just for a glimpse of something extraordinary? Why would I subject myself to both physical and mental misery time and time again? These are questions that plague my mind constantly, even in the midst of an adventure that demands everything from me. To be honest, I don’t have all the answers, but I’ll do my best to articulate my thought process and what these experiences mean to me. Does the idea of enduring hours of struggle for mere moments of bliss intrigue you? If so, then you’re my kinda people. If not, read on, and I’ll example why this sensation is something I thrive on.
Transformation:
Let’s rewind a few years back to 2015. I was a mess, a product of my own self-destructive tendencies. I immersed myself in social drama, alcohol, nicotine, and toxic relationships. I believed that this was the essence of life, earning money only to blow it at the bar. That lifestyle seemed like my natural habitat. Growing up in Madison, Wisconsin, the routine was predictable: wake up early on a Saturday, head downtown to Regent St, start drinking for the Badger game, or belt out karaoke tunes at a local dive bar after a Friday night fish fry. That was life or so I thought.
At one point, I was guzzling beers every single night. I’d wake up, hungover as shit and drive to the nearest Culver’s for a Double Cheeseburger with Fries. The remainder of the day was spent obsessing over my next drink or scheming about how to fit a trip to the liquor store into my work schedule. I share these details not for sympathy but to illustrate the depths of my self-neglect. It may sound cliché, but if I could pull myself from the depths of hell to conquering mountains, then so can you.
In the summer of 2015, after a particularly heavy night of drinking, I found myself sprawled on my couch, staring at my bloated belly, a testament to my unhealthy lifestyle. At 285 pounds, I was clearly morbidly obese, drowning myself in alcohol and processed foods. It was in that moment of self-reflection that I realized I was on a path towards self-destruction. It was at this moment that things began to click into place. For a deeper dive into this transformation, check out my blog about self-discovery and reflection here.
Disconnecting from Life:
I’m inherently introverted, a facet of myself that I neglected for years. Alcohol became my mask, enabling me to become more talkative and outgoing. This is why I find solace in nature, particularly in remote locations. There’s immense power in silence. In our hyperconnected world, we’re bombarded with noise 24/7, be it the hum of traffic or the buzz of a smartphone. When I’m adventuring off the grid, I hear nothing. That in itself is powerful. There’s been times I’m sitting there on a rock or in the desert and I have to stop, and soak in the nothingness. It’s a profound experience to sit amidst nature, with nothing but my thoughts for company. When I’m out there, there’s no cell service which means no Facebook, Instagram, whatever. Even more so, no text messages, no phone calls. We don’t realize how connected we are 24/7. We’re welcoming every single person in the world into our life 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We have no break from life to just exist in the moment with ourselves and the world. When I’m out there, I disconnect from everything and let my brain calm down from all the stressors and stimulation. How many times have you touched your phone in the past hour? There’s power in silence.
Battling Depression – Accomplishment:
Depression and anxiety have been constant companions throughout my life. There were days when interacting with another human or even stepping outside felt insurmountable. I would just lay there in bed with zero motivation and the thought of going outside literally sent me into convulsions. Sometimes I find it extremely difficult to get out on a nice day but without fail, I regret not getting out once the sun starts to go down. But I’ve discovered that physical activity and immersion in nature holds transformative energy. When I conquer a hike, no matter how short, it’s like a reset button for my mind. Basking in the warmth of the sun and inhaling the crisp air is therapeutic. The sense of accomplishment gives me purpose and fills me with a profound sense of fulfillment. Sometimes, as I reach my car after a hike, tears fill my eyes, overwhelmed by what I’ve achieved. There have been countless instances where I’ve pushed through exhaustion, repeating the mantra, “Kick your goals in the genitals!” And without fail, I emerge with a renewed sense of purpose.
Appreciating the Unseen:
Exploring and witnessing the Earth’s wonders firsthand is a privilege. Not everyone has the opportunity to travel and explore, which is why I cherish the chance to share my experiences with others. While nothing compares to being there in person, sharing these marvels with others brings me purpose.
Embracing the Challenge:
There’s an exhilarating aspect to being lost. It’s terrifying as shit sometimes, yes, but it presents an opportunity for growth. Navigating my way to a hidden gem, a rock formation, a lake, a breathtaking view is a thrilling challenge. While route-finding may not be my favorite pastime, there’s a sense of liberation in shedding societal expectations and embracing my true, quirky self. Whether it’s sprinting up a random hill or bursting into fits of laughter, I revel in the freedom of being unobserved. Alone in nature, I feel grounded, connected to the earth, with not a soul in sight. No one can see me (I think) or judge me for being weird as hell. If you’re an introvert, does that not excite you in many different ways?
Finding Humility:
Exploring the Earth’s wonders puts my own existence into perspective. Whether I’m gazing up at a towering mountain or across a vast lake, my problems seem trivial in comparison. It’s a humbling experience that fosters a profound connection to the world around me. Mountains, in particular, command respect. They force you to slow down, to breathe, to appreciate the journey. Climbing a mountain mirrors the struggles of life. It requires time, willpower, and both mental and physical strength. Yes, it’s daunting, exhausting, and at times, defeating. But overcoming those challenges, one step at a time, reaffirms my resilience and strengthens my spirit.
Conclusion:
It’s the culmination of all these things that keep me going. I could sit here forever attempting to convey the emotions that wash over me during these experiences. Yet, as I conclude this piece, I find it impossible to truly express their significance. I sense that my existence on this planet is meant for continuous exploration, adventure, and sharing with the world. What I’ve conveyed here only scratches the surface; you simply have to experience it for yourself. It doesn’t have to be exploring or hiking; it could be any profession—a therapist, police officer, chef, or barber. Once you find something that gives you purpose and a reason to live, that’s it.
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