Embracing My Truth: Living with Autism

Introduction:

Living with Autism isn’t just a diagnosis; it’s a journey. A journey filled with challenges, realizations, and, ultimately, acceptance. After years of fighting and denying who I am, I’ve come to embrace my Autism. This post isn’t just a story; it’s a testament to the power of self-acceptance and the strength found in vulnerability.

My Long Road to Acceptance:

It took me many years to say those words: “I am Autistic.” Diagnosed in 5th grade, I spent twenty years rejecting this part of myself. Imagine that, twenty years of denying, fighting, and rejecting who I was. It wasn’t until recently that I could finally accept and understand my true self. And no, this does not mean I’m a narcissistic sociopath, though some may beg to differ.

While living in Minneapolis, Minnesota, I worked with children on the Autism Spectrum who had behavioral issues. This experience was eye-opening. Observing their behaviors, seeing how they communicated, and documenting their needs, it felt like looking into a mirror. Just watching them and saying to myself “That’s some shit I would have done.”  Each moment spent with them connected the dots of my own experiences, leading to profound realizations.

School Struggles and Isolation:

My school years were a battlefield of ridicule and overwhelming misery. Back then, resources and knowledge about Autism were scarce. Teachers threw their arms up in frustration, often giving up on me. “We don’t want or know how to deal with Theo,” they’d say. It was a lonely, confusing time. But today, the landscape is different. With more resources and understanding, autistic individuals receive better support. I mean, we even have Autism Walks now.

Finding Coping Mechanisms:

As I’ve come to terms with how my brain works, I’ve subconsciously adopted ways to deal with sensory overload, known as stimming. For a long time, I turned to alcohol to numb my emotions and ease my social anxiety. However, in recent years, I’ve limited my drinking and have had to find more productive ways to cope and survive.

One constant source of comfort for me has been music. Face-melting, loud music. It gives me solace, blocking out the world and allowing me to wrap myself in a cocoon of sound. Music has been my sanctuary, my escape.

Daily Struggles and Misunderstandings:

Even today, I struggle immensely with tasks that someone neurotypical might find easy or basic. It’s not that autistic individuals are stupid or lack knowledge of basic tasks, it’s actually quite the opposite. We just process information differently, backwards instead of forwards. For me, talking is incredibly difficult. It’s hard for me to speak clearly and communicate verbally, but writing? Writing is my forte. That’s just one of the many challenges I face.

Embracing My Unique Self:

One trait often seen in Autism is oversharing, and maybe that’s what I’m doing right now. But you know what? I don’t give a shit anymore. I’m fucking tired of feeling ashamed and embarrassed about who I am. I’m ecstatic that I’m different. At least I’m not boring. I’m a badass, bitchin’ unicorn!

The Call for Kindness:

We all need to be kind to each other. The person you just passed on the street could be going home to kill themselves. We need more kindness in this world. You never know someone else’s story. You don’t know how they operate. Not everyone thinks like you. Some people need more time to process things; some people shut down. You just don’t know. So be kind to more people. If you’re interested in creating a dialogue about Autism, I’m an open book!

Conclusion: Liberated Through Sharing:

Damn, I kind of feel like B Rabbit in 8 Mile when he goes against Papa Doc. “And fuck this battle, I don’t wanna win, I’m outtie Here, tell these people something they don’t know about me.”

So here I am, sharing my truth, and feeling more liberated than ever. This journey has taught me that embracing who we are, in all our complexity and uniqueness, is the ultimate form of strength.