There’s a lot of pressure on men to have it all figured out.

By your 20s, you’re supposed to be grinding toward success. By your 30s, you should have a stable career, financial security, maybe even a family. And if you don’t? Well, society has a way of making you feel like you’ve fallen behind.

But here’s the thing: So many men feel lost.

I know, because I’ve been there. And after countless conversations with friends, therapists, and even strangers, I realized I wasn’t alone. The truth is, navigating identity and purpose is a struggle that doesn’t magically disappear with age.

So why do so many of us feel stuck, uncertain, like we’re wandering without a map? Let’s break it down.

The Pressure to “Have It All Together”

From an early age, we’re given a script: Go to school. Get a good job. Make money. Maybe get married, have kids, buy a house. And if you don’t hit these milestones by a certain age? Society makes you feel like you’re failing.

Life doesn’t work like that.

Some guys hit their stride early. Others take longer to figure it out. And I fit into the category of realizing that the traditional path wasn’t meant for us at all. That doesn’t mean we’re lost.

The Identity Crisis No One Talks About

A lot of men spend their 20s chasing success without stopping to ask: Success by whose definition?

I went through it myself. I worked hard, made decent money, checked off all the “right” boxes yet, something still felt off. It was like I was playing a role in someone else’s movie, waiting for a script that never came.

Sound familiar?

That’s because many of us tie our identity to external achievements, our careers, our status, our ability to provide. But what happens when those things don’t bring the sense of purpose we expected? We feel lost, like we’ve been climbing a mountain that never ends.

Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

Social media doesn’t help. Every time you scroll, you see guys your age (or younger) who seem to be killing it, buying houses, running businesses, traveling the world. And there you are, eating leftovers and wondering how the hell they figured it out.

But here’s the thing: You’re only seeing the highlight reel.

For every guy flashing success online, there are hundreds feeling just as lost as you. No one posts their doubts, failures, or nights spent overthinking their future.

The sooner you stop measuring your life against someone else’s timeline, the sooner you can focus on what actually matters, your own journey.

Redefining Purpose on Your Terms

So, what do you do when you feel lost? You redefine success on your own terms and return to your core values.

Let me take you back to my personal journey. I was working as a Roadside Service Technician, earning a decent income and receiving high praise from my supervisors. But something was missing, it wasn’t fulfilling. Then, an opportunity came in a completely different field, and I decided to jump at it. I became a Registered Behavior Therapist, working with children on the autism spectrum.

That’s when my core values became clearer. I realized I wanted to help families and advocate for individuals struggling with autism and mental health challenges. One moment, in particular, solidified this for me. A mother of a child I was working with came up to me one day and simply said, “Thank you.” The look in her eyes pure, genuine gratitude. That is something I will never forget.

At that moment, I knew I didn’t need to make all the money in the world. If I could help even one family through their struggles, that was my new definition of success.

Here’s what helped me:

• Experimenting. I tried different hobbies, side hustles, and routines until I found what truly clicked. You don’t find purpose by waiting, you find it by doing.
• Talking to people. Friends, therapists, even strangers. The more stories you hear, the more you realize there’s no one-size-fits-all path to fulfillment.
• Letting go of timelines. You’re not behind. You’re on your path, and that’s all that matters.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone in This

If you feel lost, stuck, or unsure of what’s next, you’re not broken. You’re just in a phase of growth, and that’s part of the process.

No one has it all figured out, no matter how it looks from the outside. The key is to stop waiting for clarity and start taking action, even small steps. Because every move forward, no matter how small, gets you closer to where you’re meant to be.