Men aren’t exactly known for opening up about their feelings.

We’re told to “man up,” “tough it out,” or “deal with it.” Crying is weak. Admitting we’re struggling is even weaker. For generations, we’ve been conditioned to believe that real men don’t talk about their emotions, we just push through.

But here’s the truth: that mindset is killing us.

I’m not saying that to be dramatic. The statistics don’t lie, men are significantly less likely to seek help for mental health struggles, and suicide rates among men remain high. Not because we don’t struggle, but because we’ve been taught to suffer in silence.

Well, I say enough is enough. It’s okay to not be okay. And it’s time we start talking about it.

I’ve Been There, Too

I know what it’s like to pretend everything’s fine when it’s really not. It nearly resulted in my death.

A few years ago, I hit a breaking point. Work stress, addiction, the weight of everything I’d been holding in, it all caught up to me.

There was a time in my life when heavy drinking was routine, week after week spent drowning myself in alcohol, only to wake up to processed fast food and regret. But there’s one night that will forever haunt me.

During one of these drinking sessions, something in me snapped. I became violent, and someone was there to witness it. My condo suffered damage, but far worse, I hurt someone I cared about. For anyone who knows me, violence is the last thing they’d associate with me. But that night, the emotions I had bottled up for so long exploded in a way I never imagined possible.

That’s when I knew something had to change.

Why Men Don’t Talk (and Why We Need To)

Let’s call it what it is, there’s a stigma around men and mental health. We grow up hearing things like:

• “Be a man.”
• “Toughen up.”
• “Stop being so emotional.”

From a young age, we’re taught that emotions are a sign of weakness. We learn to suppress, deflect, laugh it off. And over time? We become experts at pretending we’re fine, even when we’re anything but.

We have no problem talking about sports, cars, work, or whatever’s trending. So why can’t we talk about what’s really going on in our heads?

The Turning Point: When I Finally Opened Up

While living in Minneapolis and working with children on the autism spectrum, I had an emotional realization. For most of my life, I had rejected my own autism diagnosis. But as I worked with these children, everything started to make sense. I saw myself in them, their behaviors, their meltdowns, their reasoning. It was like looking into a mirror.

One day in particular will always stay with me. After a session with a client, I drove home in complete silence, reflecting not just on my work, but on my own life. That was the moment everything clicked. I finally accepted who I was. I tried to hold it together, but I couldn’t. Tears streamed down my face as years of confusion suddenly made sense.

By the time I reached my apartment building, I was still in tears. I walked through the lobby, rode the elevator up to the 30th floor, and stood there, overwhelmed. I was not okay. But for the first time, I understood why.

For the first time, I let my guard down. I admitted that I was struggling. And you know what happened?

Nothing. The world didn’t end. My masculinity didn’t disappear. My friends and family didn’t look at me any differently.

That moment taught me something powerful: you don’t have to carry everything alone.

What Needs to Change

We need to normalize conversations about men’s mental health. Not just once a year when a celebrity speaks out or when a tragedy strikes but every day.

That starts with us:

• Checking in on each other. Not just a quick “How’s life?” but actually making space for real conversations.
• Being honest about our own struggles. The more we open up, the more we give others permission to do the same.
• Seeking help when we need it. Therapy isn’t a weakness. Talking to a professional doesn’t mean you’re broken, it means you’re taking control of your well-being.

Final Thoughts: It’s Time to Break the Cycle

Men, we don’t have to suffer in silence. We don’t have to pretend we’re fine when we’re not. And we sure as hell don’t have to carry the weight of the world alone.

It’s okay to struggle. It’s okay to feel lost. It’s okay to ask for help.

Because at the end of the day, being a man isn’t about hiding your pain. It’s about having the courage to face it.

So let’s talk. Let’s check in on each other. Let’s remind ourselves and each other that it’s okay to not be okay.

Because that conversation? It could save a life.